Walking through My Winter

By: Carole L. Haines

Confused, perplexed, feeling useless and alone.  Walls closing in, like a Cabin Fever. Spiritual Walls, no windows, no doors in sight. I find myself bloodying my knuckles on the walls that close me in, desperately trying to find a way out.  Depression begins to take hold. Too much time alone, too much isolation. I reach out to brothers and sisters in Christ. They lift me up in prayer, answering my cry with encouragement.  The Depression breaks, like scales falling from my eyes, and the Answer comes from His heart to mine. Carole, you are in a Spiritual Winter. I have not forgotten you. The insights begin to flow like water, more like drips, spaced closely together.  Drip, Drip, Drip, like life-giving water, quenching my thirst; this long-standing thirst for Him. My Spiritual Winter begins to thaw, drip by drip, the Ice slowly reveals the lesson I’ve been learning, that I didn’t know before.  Like the rhythm of the Seasons, Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter; my Journey with God has Seasons. This Winter has been long and hard, longer than normal.  I’ve been confused, asking God why He’s been silent.  Is He mad at me? Is there some sin in my life that I don’t know about? Praying the prayer that David prayed:

“Search me O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my Anxious Thoughts See if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.” (Psalm 139:23-24 NASB)

God’s whispers are the loudest sound I know; so precious, so desired, so beloved. Yes, I’ve been in a Spiritual Winter, and I am stronger for it.  Like a tree whose roots dig deeper, to steady itself against the winds; my roots have dug down into His soil, looking for Him, crying out to Him, thirsting for Him.

“As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God. (Psalm 42:1 NASB)