Just too much

Congratulations to the Baltimore Ravens on a hard fought battle to win the Super Bowl, well done.  Whew!!! but I gotta tell you, I just couldn’t watch the game after the lights went out and there was a delay.  It was just too much for me.  I got sick to my stomach on every play that went wrong.  I don’t know what it is, but I just need to know things are gonna work out in the end.  I sat in another room and watched Downton Abbey and DCI Banks, while running out to  the other room to check on the game.  What a wimp, I admit it, I’m a wimp.  But it was truly awesome to watch all the excitement after the game.   All I can say is, I need to have a more definite feel of the outcome before I’m into something full on.  I have always been like this.  I spent half the movie, hiding under the covers watching Saving Private Ryan.

I guess that’s why I love God’s Word so much, I can count on it.  God never changes, He’s always faithful to His promises.  When I was going through my darkest hours over the last 10 years, I literally hid under the covers sometimes.  I was so scared and depressed I couldn’t get up some mornings.  I remember the terrible week, when my husband and I suffered three devastating blows in one week.  Literally, One hit us on Tuesday, then Wednesday brought another, with a late night knock at the door, and Thursdays’ mail brought  yet another bombshell.  The two of us just collapsed on the floor in each others arms and wept, and wept.  I was frozen with grief, I just couldn’t move.  The loss of hopes, dreams and desires is devastating.

For months and months, I wouldn’t answer the door, I was too afraid more bad news was coming.  I would have one of our children, or my husband get the mail, because I was too afraid to look at it.  It was extremely difficult to get back up again, after being knocked down so hard.  I thought God was mad at me, that He had stopped loving me, that I was being punished for something.  This past year I began meeting with a counselor for Inner Healing Prayer.  God brought up that dreadful week in one of the prayer sessions, and He gave me a vision of where He was during the whole thing.

 In my vision, I saw Bruce and I, collapsed on the floor weeping and there were two great big white wings covering us.  One of those wings had a hand on my husbands’ shoulder, comforting Him, holding him, while he held me.  I looked up for the source of the wings, and the hand belonged to Jesus.  The wings were the Holy Spirit and He filled our entire living room with his presence.  God was with me all the time.  He was not mad or punishing me, He was right there holding me, holding us, the entire time.

 That vision healed me in so many ways.  I still get scared to answer the door sometimes, and I still don’t like to get the mail, but I know that God brought me through the hardest time of my life.  I didn’t think I was going to survive it, but He brought me through.  Thank You, Father-God, for being faithful to Your promises, for never leaving me, nor forsaking me.  Thank You for this precious vision of being held by You, in my darkest hour.  May I continue to grow to trust again, reach out again, love again.  You have a great future for us all.  Thank You that the battle is already won, the outcome is already known,  the Victor is already crowned.  Thank You, Jesus, for all You have done, are doing, and will do, for all who will come to You and believe in Your Name

Amen and Amen!!!!!

About eloracseniah@aol.com

May God's Truth prevail and Love triumph, where we have failed. Amen
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