Disillusioned self-love

by: Carole L. Haines

Discouragement is disillusioned self-love, and self-love may be love for my devotion to Jesus— not love for Jesus Himself.
From: Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest Updated Edition

In my Devotional reading this morning, by Oswald Chambers, I was nearly uprooted by the above statement. I have often had the feeling of complete blindness before, but this one really did it for me. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was dumbfounded and mesmerized at the same time. I had been feeling kind of discouraged over some things recently, and just figured it was self-pity, and so I just needed to get over it and move on. But “Wow,” disillusioned self-love, that just puts a definition to the matter that I had not been able to express, or even figure out how to explain to anyone else.  Jesus says, “You will know the truth and the truth will make you free.” We all want freedom, but let’s look deeper at the context of this most beloved verse.

John 8:30-32 (NASB)

³⁰ As He spoke these things, many came to believe in Him.

³¹ So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him,
“If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine;

³² and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”

It’s a five-step process here:

1) Believe in Him
2) Continue in His Word
3) Truly Disciples of His
4) Know the truth
5) and the truth will make you free

We can stop the progression at any point through a failure to embrace the truth and believe it above our own perception of things. I have come to find that the last thing we need to let go of, to truly become disciples of Jesus, is our own opinions, perceptions and demands.

Most of us really want what we want, and sometimes we try to stick a label on it that says,  “God’s Will.” But there is a death-to-self process that needs to occur in each of our lives and it is very difficult and painful; but the reward, in the end is a truly abundant life, the one we were created to live, His life in us.
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.  (Ephesians 3:20-21 NASB)

So, to get back to what Oswald Chambers related to us, “Discouragement is disillusioned self-love.” Self-love demands its own way. Self-love settles for a mediocre life, one far less fruitful than the one Jesus envisions for us.
So please, Dear Jesus, show me where I am loving self above you, demanding my own way, and let me get completely disillusioned with it. Because Jesus, I want You, above all else, I want You to make my life what You envisioned, which is far greater than what I have tried to make it.  So Thank you for letting me fail at so many attempts of my own, because I only want Your will, not my own. Amen