By: Carole L. Haines
I have stayed a prisoner to my unforgiveness and didn’t even know it. I should have known it. I’m sure God tried to tell me a million times, the Holy Spirit urging me to truly forgive from my heart, but I didn’t listen. I wanted to pick at the wounds, demand my rights, wallow in self-pity. The wounds festered, they grew infected, and spread everywhere throughout my bloodstream. I never thought about it like this before, but God’s Word tells us:
23 Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life. (Prov. 4:23)
In the body, the heart is what carries the blood to all the organs and such, enabling us to think, and do all we do. But if there is an infection in the bloodstream, stemming from the heart, it will carry that poison throughout all the rest of our being and infect everywhere.
Guard means to:
- to watch, guard, keep
- to preserve, guard from dangers
- to keep, observe, guard with fidelity
- to guard, keep secret
- to be kept close, be blockaded
- watchman (participle)
(Blue Letter Bible BLB)
I have not done these things when it comes to forgiveness. I have let unforgiveness run riot throughout my body by holding it in my heart. I kept asking God to restore unto me the joy of Salvation, this was His answer to me. The person I have needed to forgive more than anyone else, is myself. I still have much to let go of toward others, but God made it clear to me, that my greatest grudge was toward myself. He showed me that to forgive as He forgives us includes forgiving ME.
- The heart means: inner man, mind, will, heart, understanding, mind, knowledge, thinking, reflection, memory
- inclination, resolution, determination (of will)
- conscience, seat of emotions and passions (BLB)
All these parts of myself became infected by my unforgiveness. My will, my heart, my emotions, my understanding, my memories, my conscience. All infected, all disturbed and twisted by unforgiveness.
Dearest Lord Jesus, Have mercy on me, an unforgiver. You have touched me at the sorest spot, and I run to you for the strength to forgive fully from my heart. Nothing is impossible with You. I see now. Help me to do the deep work of forgiveness toward all, holding nothing back. Please empower me, as I know You have given me. Please give me the want to and the desire to, forgive from my heart, as You have forgiven me. Amen