Why am I afraid to go deeper?

By: Carole L. Haines 

We have to get rid of the idea that we understand ourselves. That is always the last bit of pride to go. The only One who understands us is God. 
(My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers, January 11) 

We cannot go Deeper with God into the recesses of ourselves unless we truly embrace His love for us. Growing in my faith, during the early days of my Journey, I kept hearing the same verse from people.  

“The heart is more deceitful than all else 
And is desperately sick; Who can understand it? 
(Jeremiah17:9) 

As a young believer, this made me afraid of what was down there. I knew I didn’t like how I felt about some of the things coming out of me, but I just didn’t know what to do about it. I was afraid to look inside at all that gunk, so I would try to cover it up with “good and right things.” None of this was a conscious choice, God had to reveal this to me later. I was trying to cover up what needed to come out and be replaced with His Love and Mercy, with His Forgiveness and Grace. 

This struggle went on for quite a few years, until one day I was reading through the Book of 1 John. It was then that I clearly saw the rest of the Story about my desperately sick heart and God’s power to transform it. 

Little children, let’s not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth. We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will set our heart at ease before Him, that if our heart condemns us, that God is greater than our heart, and He knows all things.” (1 John 3:18-20) 

I have put in bold print what God showed me. He is greater than my heart and already knows what is down there. What seemed like a dark and bottomless abyss to me, is already known to God. Add to that this Scriptural Truth. 

 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) 

The Joy I experienced at the realization that I didn’t need to be afraid to go on this journey into the depths of myself can never be expressed in words.  

God redeem, cleanse and heal me, if I open myself up to Him. I nearly exploded with happiness. God loves me already. He loved while He knew all the blackness of my soul, all the depths of its depravity; and He is powerful enough to deliver me from it and transform me completely.  

God’s love is the most transforming force ever known to mankind. His love is fiercer than the eruptions of Kilauea we have seen. More cleansing than the Wildfires of the West. His love is deeper than the Mariana Trench on the Pacific Ocean Floor. 

Dear Believer, His love is greater, truly greater than all our sin and darkness. I am going deeper into His transformative power. Join me, if you feel led of Him to do so. I will be writing more tomorrow. Hope to see you then. 

About eloracseniah@aol.com

May God's Truth prevail and Love triumph, where we have failed. Amen
This entry was posted in Musings and ponderings and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s