By: Carole L. Haines
In my cry to go deeper with God, I know there will be very difficult things he will uncover. That cleansing is so necessary and important. I was listening to a Podcast for EHS (Emotionally Healthy Spirituality) and he asked us to close our eyes and picture how we think God feels about us. He then asked us to picture one word to describe it. My word was “disappointed.” I was discussing this occurrence with a very insightful friend yesterday. Her response was, “Well, that’s not God’s heart, Carole. That’s not how God describes Himself in the Bible.”
As I thought more deeply about it, I said, “Well maybe I am just disappointed with myself.” Her response was so poignant. She said, “Maybe! Your expectations of yourself are so high. Maybe that’s where that word comes from and you are putting that on God.”
“You mean, I may be accusing God of being disappointed in me, when in actuality, I am just really disappointed with myself.” My eyes welled up with tears as I realized that may be true. Am I deflecting onto my Precious Savior and King feelings that are from deep within? I am sitting in prayer with that this morning as I write this. I believe that my friend was right. My expectations for myself were so high and I failed myself at every point. But I thought God had those expectations of me as well, and He doesn’t. That isn’t how He presents Himself in Scripture.
“Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished.” (Exodus 34:6-7a)
I share all that to encourage you to examine your own ideas of how God views you? There are so many more Scriptures that reveal God’s Character to us. Ask yourself that question? If you find that negative words come up, like “disappointment,” it’s time to sit with the Lord and let Him speak the truth to You, as I am asking Him to do for me. Sometimes God must give us a Gracious Gut Punch, by showing us how much we misunderstand who He actually is. I must develop God’s point of view about everything, including myself. I can’t trust God to remove this core of Fear if I am believing the lie that He is disappointed in me all the time. May the Lord encourage your heart today with the Truth of how He really feels about you.
Be Blessed and have a wonderful day.