Lost in a crowd, in a sea of people. I am just going to sit down here and sigh, as I watch the mass of humanity go by, and wonder if you really see me here, God. How can you possibly know us all, see us all, love us all? It’s mind blowing, absolutely mind blowing. One in a Million isn’t always a good feeling. God, you are not partial, You have no favorites. Your love flows clearly, like a stream, over us all. But sometimes I feel so much like a pebble, so much like a grain of sand huddled on the shore with all the other ordinary grains of sand. Yet You tell me that, together, we make a beach.
Yet, I desire to be a mountain, rather than a simple grain of sand. I don’t want to be One in a Million anymore. But that’s reality, it is what I am. I am that pebble, that grain of sand, trampled underfoot by many. Dearest Father God, I am watching this all unfold before me and within me, this insignificance, this desire and need to be more than I am. What does it all mean? Are You calling me to reach for more, try for more? Or am I filled with selfish ambition and pride? Only You know, only You can show me. More faith, More Passion, More trusting You with all I am and all I do.
More Faith is certainly better than More Fear, and that is certainly the fork in the road I stand at here. Staring down the dark roads, one called Faith and one called Fear, I have to choose. One is more familiar than the other, but I know where that leads, to a downward spiral of despair and futility. I’ve been down that road of Fear and it leads nowhere, so now I will choose Faith. In the midst of this crisis, and it is a Crisis, I choose Faith in You, God. Faith in who you are, despite my smallness, and I comfort myself with these beautiful old familiar words that I have prayed so many times before:
Psalm 131
O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty;
Nor do I involve myself in great matters,
Or in things too difficult for me.
2 Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;
Like a weaned child rests against his mother,
My soul is like a weaned child within me.
3 O Israel (Carole), hope in the Lord
From this time forth and forever.
You have never failed me, God, and I know You never will.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
27 For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.
28 But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your works. (Psalm 73)
Father, come to our aid in this desperate time of need, come and help us. We need You as our Savior, our Deliverer and our Mediator. Thank You Father, before I even see what You will do…Thank You. To You, I am not jus One in a Million…I am Your Child.
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