My own dusty little trail

by: carole l. haines

²⁴ But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God. (Acts 20:24 NASB)

God is calling me deeper, delving deep inside the recesses of who I am, and helping me to face some tough stuff about myself.  I miss God, the closeness of His presence, the joy of His community and companionship, the peace of His loving voice continually streaming into my thoughts.  It’s like I am trying to tune a radio station with lots of static.  The knob is in the right position, but there is a lot of interference.

So, I have asked God to reveal the interference, so that I can tune Him in clearly, like it used to be for me.  The above verse in Scripture just leaped off the page at me, revealing to me the core of my lack of closeness with God.  As I listened to the Spirit speak to me, He revealed that, unlike the Apostle Paul, I DO consider my life as dear to myself, and it is the core issue as to what is keeping me from being close to God.  I have shifted focus from living for God, to living for me.  Even all the churchy, Christian things I do are leaning more towards self-fulfillment, than God fulfillment.

I want to, like Paul, “finish my course, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.” Paul is showing the key to the completion of this God-given desire, I must not consider my life as dear unto myself.
I looked up the original Greek for the word “dear,” and it means precious, held in honor, of great price.   I must surrender my whole life to the one who considers me precious, I must hold nothing back.  I can see how I have tried to coerce, and negotiate, and manipulate, to make happen, what I believe God has revealed His Will is.

It’s like I’ve been saying to God, “Hey thanks God, I see what you are doing, I’ll take it from here.”  What a stupid and foolish thing to do. Now I can honestly say, I didn’t realize I was doing this, not consciously.  But now He has made it known to me, so I am responsible to yield to His leading and direction in this area, to listen, pray and obey whatever He shows me to do next.

Isn’t God so good, to love us too much, to let us have our own way.  His way is the Highway, and I want to be on that Highway, and not my own dusty little trail.

²⁴ But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God. (Acts 20:24 NASB)