delivered through fears

Psalm 34

You will notice as you read the Psalm below, that I have changed the order of the verses.  I have done this to tell you a story.

17 The righteous cry, and the Lord hears

And delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are [d]crushed in spirit.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted-  This is a hard lesson learned.  Before my ‘great and terrible time of testing, the concept of suffering was so distorted. The things that could “break my heart”, so to say, were meaningless, petty things.  But then came the time of great loss and confusion.  I was bewildered, felt forsaken by God, alone, abandoned.  But now I know, He was near to me all the time, carrying me even.  I couldn’t see this in the midst of the trial, but I see Him now, as I look back on that time.

4 I sought the Lord, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears.
5 They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.

And delivered me from all my fears- delivered, that’s an interesting concept, a fascinating word. 

to set free or liberate: The Israelites were delivered from bondage.
to release or save: Deliver me from such tiresome people! (dictionary.com)
So in order to experience what deliverance really is, we must first know what it is to be captive, to be in bondage, to be trapped.  Well, during my time of testing, I felt trapped, frightened, unsteady.  I was so low in spirit, the only place to look was up to God.  God didn’t deliver me   from  my fears, but He did deliver me  through  them.  God allowed me to go through one of the greatest fears I had ever known.  I was scared of this situation since childhood, and then, it happened.  I thought it was going to destroy me, destroy my faith, but instead, it increased my faith and brought me closer to the God I claimed to trust.  I had to trust Him, I had nowhere else to go.  I have heard it said that you will never know that “Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.”  Yup, that’s true, so very true.
1  I will bless the Lord at all times;

His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul will make its boast in the Lord;
The humble will hear it and rejoice.
3 O magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

I went through it all with my best friend, my lover, my husband at my side. We weathered the storm together.  He was going through so much of the same things as I was.   Later, the Lord revealed to him some of why He had allowed us to go through it.  Only certain things could be learned this way.  God loves us too much to leave us as we are.  I was crying out to be closer to Him. To some it  might seem strange for God to let us suffer this in order to grow closer to Him, but I don’t.  I understand that He was answering my prayer to grow closer to Him.  Certain things were stunting my growth in the Lord, He removed those things.  I am forever grateful for the suffering.

8 O taste and see that the Lord is good;

How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
Thank You, God for answering my prayer to grow closer to You.  Thank You for showing me just how close You are to us, even in our darkest hours.  Thanks for delivering me, not from my fears, but through them.  You are a faithful, precious and wonderfully good God.  I love you